woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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