and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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