thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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