I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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