My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone signed my nipple.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
