so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
