no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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