If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
