i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
