My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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