He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
