Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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