she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
