I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
