When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
