are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
