no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
one might say we're banned from that church
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
