yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
