do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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