and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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