youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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