u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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