Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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