Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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