guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
