I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
