Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
