Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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