I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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