there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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