im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize