Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My bed smells like the plague
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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