Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
