Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
