my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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