I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
