Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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