I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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