I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize