I wish i was in the wii world.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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