Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
