Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was confusing and full of hummus
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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