I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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