we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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