first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My ATM looks so different sober.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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