u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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