a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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