i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
