This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
