you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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