Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
