I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
