mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
