theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
