I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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