I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
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WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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