I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
