just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
