So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
