I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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