He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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