My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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