Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize