i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
