I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All the doctor said was why
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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