I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
