he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
